How To Become Free Of What They Say About You
This has to be one of the most ultimate pieces of ‘self esteem’ builders. When someone or group of people, speak bad of you, but you choose to rise above it, unruffled, and fully on track to continue with your good vibe day. ‘How To Become Free Of What They Say About You,’ is an eye opener, that we all need to work on.
I am sure that we would all love to know, ‘How To Not Care What People Think Of You’. Or to be more accurate, not care as much. Yet so few of us do know, and even fewer of us carry it through. Here is how.
Featured Image How To Not Get Phased By What People Say About You – Courtesy of https://www.pexels.com/@annushka-ahuja/
Why Is Someone Else’s Opinion Of Me Flawed?
So here we are talking about the majority of cases, the majority of the time.
What others think of you is almost always an opinion, and even worse sometimes mere speculation. Let’s remember that humans are prone to:
- Confirmation bias, and other traps – Believing or even just thinking something negative and then looking for evidence that is true. If you look for a problem you will find evidence of it, whether it is correct or not.
- Group Band wagon – They are all saying it, so let’s join in, (herd mentality). All of those people cannot be wrong, (of course they can if the head sheep is wrong).
- A natural tendency to think negative and opt for a chance to criticise rather than praise, (nothing like a bad news gossip story). Everyone moans about endless bad news stories on TV. Yet it keeps coming, and that is because as humans, many people thrive on hearing it.
What Are The Instances When I Can Let Go Of Opinion
My view on this is simple. Follow Aristotle’s guide.
The person giving the opinion, really has a duty to pass it through 3 ‘filter’ or ‘gate’ questions. These were originally derived by Aristotle in Greek mythology, which of course was a very long time ago. Yet in modern times, only a few decent people use it.
Is It True?
If it is not true, then it should not be said.
Is It Fair?
If it is not fair, then it should not be said
Is It Necessary?
If it is not useful or necessary, then there is no need to say it
Ultimately when the person giving the opinion has not passed it through these 3 questions, or the opinion fails on one or more of the 3, you can discard it. You will of course know, because you know yourself, and your truth. No one but you knows your story. What you think of yourself is your truth.
How To Let Go Of Someone’s Flawed Opinion, Without Being Phased
This is itself an extension of the self esteem boost that we talked about earlier. At first it can be daunting, and unnerving. If people are used to you caving in and accepting all criticism, they will try to ‘HOLD YOU’ in that phased spasm. In extreme cases, they might even use it, as a form of their own sadistic entertainment. Either way, you need to understand this as part of ‘how to not get phased by what people say about you.’
So here we go with the Top Five on how to shake it off:
- Acknowledge it properly, by saying, ‘when you can bring this opinion to me more constructively, we’ll have a proper chat.’
- Acknowledge it assertively, by saying, ‘No, that’s not accurate is it?’ Then carry on with what you were doing
- Acknowledge it politely, by saying’ thanks for the feedback.’ Give a pleasant smile and then carry on with what you were doing
- Acknowledge it softly, by looking at the person when they say it, but give no more than a sigh or a ‘hmmm’, and then carry on with what you were doing
- Listen but completely ignore, blank it, to the extent that they know you heard it, but you are not acknowledging it
What Are The Instances When You Really Can Pay Attention To Opinion
If the opinion passes the 3 filters or gates, then, YES, if we want to, we can listen to what the opinion is. If we then choose to, we can take it on board for future self development.
Do not let it consume you, but for sure, turn this opinion into useful feedback, with a positive view to self improving, and working towards that best version of yourself. It may be hard to swallow, it may even hurt, that someone has thought this about you. Ultimately this is a chance to rise as a new you, for the better, and wow, people will be impressed to see you do well from some feedback. Especially if it was quite hard to swallow. Only the truly negative people will still cause you trouble.
Of course, there will always be times when we absolutely should listen. Ultimately this will be when the opinion is good for us, and can help us. That is when an opinion becomes helpful feedback. It can be positive or negative, but it should be helpful.
Our Friend The Beef Model
When Someone shows us enough empathetic energy to use the BEEF model, then you can consider that as far as you can tell, you are in a safe place to hear the opinion as feedback rather than as criticism. They might deliberately use it, or they may have a natural tendency to explain carefully what their opinion is and help us to understand where improvements can be made. Either way this could still be flawed opinion, but as it has been presented in a rational way, I personally would dignify their kind effort by remaining calm. I would then check the 3 gates are passed by what I have heard, for myself.
I hope that you know now, ‘How To Become Free Of What They Say About You.’
Either way, if you have any questions on this topic, please feel free to leave a comment below, get in touch by messaging me, or even book a 1-2-1 session.
Good luck, and be proud of rising above flawed opinion!
Namaste
Simon
Update – Thursday, 30th May 2024,
Tonight, I took part in a great Zoom call with Alden Darville and Tiiu Wise of SuperFreques on Linked In. A great piece of advice from Tiiu was that when someone criticises or gives a negative reaction to something you’ve said or done, ask yourself this.
”Where in my body did I feel that?”
You can then meditate, feeling the energy from above, enter the top of your head, and flow down through your body as you inhale. Then it flows, into the earth. As you exhale, feel the energy rise up through your body and out of the top of your head, and up. The important part is that on the inhale, you note where the bad feeling took place, from what someone said, and you let the energy soothe that area as it flows past the area.
We also talked about, ‘It is not that I should or shouldn’t, or that I can’t, it’s just a matter of where.’
So for example, if I mention my work on this blog, to make the BuildMyWarrior project happen, and someone scoffs at it and ridicules it. My old reaction was to question, should I be doing this. Instead my new action now, is to choose where I am when I work and talk about it, and who I talk to about it. In time the critics will see my light for what it is
Namaste
Simon
Further Reading
Acknowledgements
Featured Image How To Not Get Phased By What People Say About You – Courtesy of https://www.pexels.com/@annushka-ahuja/
